I really like some of the changes you made after I'd read it.
Nearly everyone calls a blue moon a rare occurrence. Or they use the phrase 'once in a blue moon' to make clear how unlikely something is to happen, how magical it is when it does happen.
This flows beautifully. Such great imagery and poetry.
But my own experience is far less beautiful and way more volatile.
I usually don't like first person pov but the fact that there's no dialogue in this story makes it bloody brilliant.
You have done an amazing job w/ this little story. I really like it a lot. I love Draco's hunger, his shame from Charlie, Charlie's desire to watch him and still love him, no matter what.
Really amazing. So much power in this story with just 900 words. Keep it up!
Thanks for letting me read it over and taking in my suggestions, and not hating me for all the corrections. And most of all, thanks for sharing this story.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2016-02-01 06:12 pm (UTC)Nearly everyone calls a blue moon a rare occurrence. Or they use the phrase 'once in a blue moon' to make clear how unlikely something is to happen, how magical it is when it does happen.
This flows beautifully. Such great imagery and poetry.
But my own experience is far less beautiful and way more volatile.
I usually don't like first person pov but the fact that there's no dialogue in this story makes it bloody brilliant.
You have done an amazing job w/ this little story. I really like it a lot. I love Draco's hunger, his shame from Charlie, Charlie's desire to watch him and still love him, no matter what.
Really amazing. So much power in this story with just 900 words. Keep it up!
Thanks for letting me read it over and taking in my suggestions, and not hating me for all the corrections. And most of all, thanks for sharing this story.