the cat report
Nov. 13th, 2015 06:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smirkingcati really have been silent for quite some time now, but really my life has been all but silent - here is the report to what has happened in the mean time:
was quite interesting this year again and i'm quite happy with the fact that i went, i hope i hid my depression well, because there were some moments i really had to stop myself, but mostly it was fun and i got a new spinner! its not as nifty as the one i got earlier this year but it's a new addition to my collection and it is quite fantastic!
the food was superb - no wonder i helped with the cutting *laughs at own inside joke all alone* - and the company was fun: my friends had amazing costumes really stunning, the only sad point is we again failed at taking pictures from them how could we!
but all's well that ends well - and my lazy sunday with my friend and her adorable cats was lazy relaxing and rewarding - also the original adams family is the best!
so i started getting depressed around the middle of sep. and for a while i thought i had everything in control, all good, just the usual regular release of to many hormones- sadly that was not the case, due to stress, i think mostly self inflicted, my adrenaline level were sky rocking again and pushed some of my other hormones further, due to me being a stupid brat i didnt go to the doc once i noticed everything went out of control but waaay later,
so i spend most of my week long holiday locked up in my room trying to get a grip on myself and cuddling my cat, cuddling my cat was quite awesome she is the best after all,
in the end this week stressed me more and when i finally went to the doc she put me down, like really, i dont have many options when it comes to drugs influencing the brain in the first place and she said she can at this point only subscribe me that one pill that just flattens everything to the baselines- i was so out of myself it was rather hard at work when costumers want you to pretend you care and i couldnt even figure out what caring is- got me a couples of complains but i would be damned before i tell them something so personal
fact is i wouldnt really do anything and writing was a horrible mess and really nothing was making sense never to mention there was no emotion and some words are more than a little random...
but i took the last of the pills saturday night and i slowly start to feel more like myself again, also verrrry slowly words are coming, well no i'm dragging them, back to me
owl has to be written, sadly its not going so smoothly because my writing really want to twist something that i'm not sure about, but for now i will include it since it will give the charas more depth we will all have to wait and see how it goes
so, work... i really have to get a new job, but at the same time i start to get to know the folks i work with better and some of them are truly fun, that sadly doesnt change the overall ickiness of the place
i'm sure most of you are familiar with one or the other sort of meme-theory, i personally read up on it after i saw it in big bang theory, and i think it cleared the group building and the me against them for me up some more - generally speaking interesting rumors travel fast, there has to be at least one tangible outcast in every group, and also while we want to belong to a group we also dont want to fully belong to the group (all the theories summarized so shortly, i know ppl how would be horrified by this *doesnt give a damn*)
last week i was the witness to our store detective catching one of our staff stealing (i didnt see the act, but the guy cant be alone in the room with thieve, there has to be someone else with a women another women and i was called)
she stole some fancy toilet paper nothing more, and really i couldnt care less, but she felt the need to tell me that she doesnt get paid for real for this job, she has been without a work so long that the social system here dictates her to work for 1 euro a month for 2 months or all her support will be canceled
since i am no one at work i of course also have no authority to make decisions about what happens to any employee, so the detective went to our big big boss with her (he is a big arse in person just take my word for it) all our job here are with a zero tolerance against stealing so of course she was fired j which must have some repercussions for her social benefit too- but the interesting thing is only the detective, the boss and me knew what she has done, and i didnt tell anyone, kept my lips sealed because really its no one else's business
a day after my direct 2ed in charge came to me to tell me that she stole a huge amount of cosmetique stuff and must have been doing so for months -not that she has even worked for us for a month- i was astonished as you can see its just not true, but then ppl were always badmouthing her because she was beautiful and ppl were watching her and costumers flirted openly with her so i can see why there were bad rumors about her i can not be certain where this particular one started, but u see i didnt tell anybody, i highly doubt the detective would, i mean he does this on a daily basis and really its his fucking job so i doubt he cares that leaves only one other person, and proves what i thought so even more my big fancy boss must be a total arse and i hope i never have to do anything with him, i mean are you fucking kidding me? badmouthing someone already so down? he really likes his high horse everyone knows that and he behaves like he owns the moral high ground but with that i highly doubt he knows how he has lost the moral high ground not once but really for all times- he got noooo room to talk
i'm not sure why i'm this disappointed because i knew what he was but i guess i still have hoped...
this makes work even worse... what does it say about my workplace when i have such a chef...
*thinks i'm suffering from weltschmerz due to that*
i've been working on a owl assignment and i had more fun than i thought it would be, well yes it was work and yes i totally lost my cool but then again i think this might actually have been some of the fun for it, and i had awesome cheerleaders in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smallbrownfrog, lyonessheart,inspired_being! thanks for all the help,
my roommate is cranky again i just ignore it something has her kickers in a twist, but i am not allowed to talk to her right now, per our roommate agreement, so *shrugs it off* ignoring has to come and happen i have to let it go and get a grip on my control issues because i know i cant control everything that doesnt change the urge to want to control everything *sighs*
according to my doc, my control issues come because i lost control so hard, and had to work to get it back, that now i'm afraid to let go, she advised me to take one of my usual habits of cleanliness and make a mess, allowing something to be messy, and see that the world wont even take notice of it, is supposed to loosen me up- all i have to do now is to figure out where _I_ would be able to stand the mess without being freaked out by it
on the no-saying-front i still suck but i dont mind it so much... and sometimes i started to say NO, so its not a still stand just a going slow
for now i cant wait for this weekend- i will do the baking of christmas cookies with a friend, its the first time and i know it will be fun!
we also will be eating homemade pizza with stuffed crust- and i really like to say stuffed crust its such a fun thing to say, i stuff the crust! it will be fun and i will be having a sleepover and roommate is with her gf so flat for me, let the weekend begin!
and here is a tip for you if you are interested in some online styled papers: this site gives away freebies, very nice pattern there indeed, and so far a friend of mine and i didn't find any catch (please tell me if you find one, then i will stop promoting this site)
on a happy side note- i shall leave you with this adorable picture:
was quite interesting this year again and i'm quite happy with the fact that i went, i hope i hid my depression well, because there were some moments i really had to stop myself, but mostly it was fun and i got a new spinner! its not as nifty as the one i got earlier this year but it's a new addition to my collection and it is quite fantastic!
the food was superb - no wonder i helped with the cutting *laughs at own inside joke all alone* - and the company was fun: my friends had amazing costumes really stunning, the only sad point is we again failed at taking pictures from them how could we!
but all's well that ends well - and my lazy sunday with my friend and her adorable cats was lazy relaxing and rewarding - also the original adams family is the best!
so i started getting depressed around the middle of sep. and for a while i thought i had everything in control, all good, just the usual regular release of to many hormones- sadly that was not the case, due to stress, i think mostly self inflicted, my adrenaline level were sky rocking again and pushed some of my other hormones further, due to me being a stupid brat i didnt go to the doc once i noticed everything went out of control but waaay later,
so i spend most of my week long holiday locked up in my room trying to get a grip on myself and cuddling my cat, cuddling my cat was quite awesome she is the best after all,
in the end this week stressed me more and when i finally went to the doc she put me down, like really, i dont have many options when it comes to drugs influencing the brain in the first place and she said she can at this point only subscribe me that one pill that just flattens everything to the baselines- i was so out of myself it was rather hard at work when costumers want you to pretend you care and i couldnt even figure out what caring is- got me a couples of complains but i would be damned before i tell them something so personal
fact is i wouldnt really do anything and writing was a horrible mess and really nothing was making sense never to mention there was no emotion and some words are more than a little random...
but i took the last of the pills saturday night and i slowly start to feel more like myself again, also verrrry slowly words are coming, well no i'm dragging them, back to me
owl has to be written, sadly its not going so smoothly because my writing really want to twist something that i'm not sure about, but for now i will include it since it will give the charas more depth we will all have to wait and see how it goes
so, work... i really have to get a new job, but at the same time i start to get to know the folks i work with better and some of them are truly fun, that sadly doesnt change the overall ickiness of the place
i'm sure most of you are familiar with one or the other sort of meme-theory, i personally read up on it after i saw it in big bang theory, and i think it cleared the group building and the me against them for me up some more - generally speaking interesting rumors travel fast, there has to be at least one tangible outcast in every group, and also while we want to belong to a group we also dont want to fully belong to the group (all the theories summarized so shortly, i know ppl how would be horrified by this *doesnt give a damn*)
last week i was the witness to our store detective catching one of our staff stealing (i didnt see the act, but the guy cant be alone in the room with thieve, there has to be someone else with a women another women and i was called)
she stole some fancy toilet paper nothing more, and really i couldnt care less, but she felt the need to tell me that she doesnt get paid for real for this job, she has been without a work so long that the social system here dictates her to work for 1 euro a month for 2 months or all her support will be canceled
since i am no one at work i of course also have no authority to make decisions about what happens to any employee, so the detective went to our big big boss with her (he is a big arse in person just take my word for it) all our job here are with a zero tolerance against stealing so of course she was fired j which must have some repercussions for her social benefit too- but the interesting thing is only the detective, the boss and me knew what she has done, and i didnt tell anyone, kept my lips sealed because really its no one else's business
a day after my direct 2ed in charge came to me to tell me that she stole a huge amount of cosmetique stuff and must have been doing so for months -not that she has even worked for us for a month- i was astonished as you can see its just not true, but then ppl were always badmouthing her because she was beautiful and ppl were watching her and costumers flirted openly with her so i can see why there were bad rumors about her i can not be certain where this particular one started, but u see i didnt tell anybody, i highly doubt the detective would, i mean he does this on a daily basis and really its his fucking job so i doubt he cares that leaves only one other person, and proves what i thought so even more my big fancy boss must be a total arse and i hope i never have to do anything with him, i mean are you fucking kidding me? badmouthing someone already so down? he really likes his high horse everyone knows that and he behaves like he owns the moral high ground but with that i highly doubt he knows how he has lost the moral high ground not once but really for all times- he got noooo room to talk
i'm not sure why i'm this disappointed because i knew what he was but i guess i still have hoped...
this makes work even worse... what does it say about my workplace when i have such a chef...
*thinks i'm suffering from weltschmerz due to that*
i've been working on a owl assignment and i had more fun than i thought it would be, well yes it was work and yes i totally lost my cool but then again i think this might actually have been some of the fun for it, and i had awesome cheerleaders in
smallbrownfrog, lyonessheart,inspired_being! thanks for all the help,my roommate is cranky again i just ignore it something has her kickers in a twist, but i am not allowed to talk to her right now, per our roommate agreement, so *shrugs it off* ignoring has to come and happen i have to let it go and get a grip on my control issues because i know i cant control everything that doesnt change the urge to want to control everything *sighs*
according to my doc, my control issues come because i lost control so hard, and had to work to get it back, that now i'm afraid to let go, she advised me to take one of my usual habits of cleanliness and make a mess, allowing something to be messy, and see that the world wont even take notice of it, is supposed to loosen me up- all i have to do now is to figure out where _I_ would be able to stand the mess without being freaked out by it
on the no-saying-front i still suck but i dont mind it so much... and sometimes i started to say NO, so its not a still stand just a going slow
for now i cant wait for this weekend- i will do the baking of christmas cookies with a friend, its the first time and i know it will be fun!
we also will be eating homemade pizza with stuffed crust- and i really like to say stuffed crust its such a fun thing to say, i stuff the crust! it will be fun and i will be having a sleepover and roommate is with her gf so flat for me, let the weekend begin!
and here is a tip for you if you are interested in some online styled papers: this site gives away freebies, very nice pattern there indeed, and so far a friend of mine and i didn't find any catch (please tell me if you find one, then i will stop promoting this site)
on a happy side note- i shall leave you with this adorable picture:
