smirkingcat (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
smirkingcat) wrote2014-11-23 08:42 am
smirkingcat) wrote2014-11-23 08:42 am
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dear insomnia,
I'm must tell you how grateful I am for your visit this last 4 nights. It was such a pleasure to finally meet you, and get to know you. But I find myself not quite as comfortable with you, as without you, so if it pleases you, please never come back again! I think I learned my lessons quite well, and I find myself so much better without you. I will not be angry at one night- if you let me sleep it of the day after, but if you ever plan to visit me this long again, I will take measures in my hand. sincerely, me.
so yes, I had a visit from insomnia. never happened to me before, and I hope it will not happen again. firstly because I must have been a mess to be around- if the emails I got are anything to go by. 2nd because even if I was up many nights, and try to work most of that work was for nothing. I can barely read what I have written and not really recall what I read - glad that the typing was most of the time ok, but there are some words that make no sense at all- so I have to redo some (most/all) of the work I did the last four days. so not fun! I also must write immense amounts of "I'm sorry"- mails to all the folks I worried and pissed off at the same time and for all the mistakes I made. that will also for sure take a while.
But this morning, after I was put out yesterday with meds I must say I feel so much better!
what I learned for what you need sleep:
so the plan for today is to nap everytime I can and feel slightly tired, because my brain so earned the sleep, write the mails I need to write and redo the work of the last four days, maybe I find the solutions the the strange words I created, but I think it will be easier to just redo all and start at the beginning since all my handwriting is illegible- in the purest sense of the word, because I can't even decipher the letters alone, and well yes redo it will be!
as a student I spent quite some nights without sleep and still went on, but that was only ever one odd night before a very hard exam or deadline never more, and thank whoever you believe in for that, because now that I know what it feels like to be literally unable to sleep I wish nobody else to make the same experience - it feels unpleasant, hurtful, and frightening to say at least! I'm so done with no sleep, really, done, never again if I have a say in it.
go sleep! and I hope I will never forget this episode and never forget how much I really and truly love and admire my bed!
so yes, I had a visit from insomnia. never happened to me before, and I hope it will not happen again. firstly because I must have been a mess to be around- if the emails I got are anything to go by. 2nd because even if I was up many nights, and try to work most of that work was for nothing. I can barely read what I have written and not really recall what I read - glad that the typing was most of the time ok, but there are some words that make no sense at all- so I have to redo some (most/all) of the work I did the last four days. so not fun! I also must write immense amounts of "I'm sorry"- mails to all the folks I worried and pissed off at the same time and for all the mistakes I made. that will also for sure take a while.
But this morning, after I was put out yesterday with meds I must say I feel so much better!
what I learned for what you need sleep:
- an even heart rate - I did not notice till this morning, but my heart was really hurting, especially yesterday, now that the pain is gone, I notice how much it hurt
- thinking clearly- because the last days there was a fog clouding my mind! and the bad thing again is that I was not aware of it. for me as an controlfreak that is quite frightening, but its over now and me is back
- pain in general- most of my muscles hurt, again now that I am more comfortable I feel only the lack of the pain, even if some of them are not painfree now, they are going to get there I am sure
- memories- I'm finding myself with quite a bit of time, I am not so sure how I spend it- don't know what to think of that to tell the truth
so the plan for today is to nap everytime I can and feel slightly tired, because my brain so earned the sleep, write the mails I need to write and redo the work of the last four days, maybe I find the solutions the the strange words I created, but I think it will be easier to just redo all and start at the beginning since all my handwriting is illegible- in the purest sense of the word, because I can't even decipher the letters alone, and well yes redo it will be!
as a student I spent quite some nights without sleep and still went on, but that was only ever one odd night before a very hard exam or deadline never more, and thank whoever you believe in for that, because now that I know what it feels like to be literally unable to sleep I wish nobody else to make the same experience - it feels unpleasant, hurtful, and frightening to say at least! I'm so done with no sleep, really, done, never again if I have a say in it.
go sleep! and I hope I will never forget this episode and never forget how much I really and truly love and admire my bed!